A Lul worthy adventure at Lulworth Castle

True story ^.^

See what I did there, with the title?

I thought it was good anyway.

I recently came back from Poole, and Oli's house. Whilst there, we went on an epic quest to do as little as possible. Sadly, this failed, as we were dragged off to the appropriately named "Lulworth Castle."

Whilst there, I decided to make my own documentary, that would give an indepth insight into the goings on in Lulworth castle.

Enjoy.

Has anyone seen my dignity?

Ok. I'm just going to write for a bit. 

Kay. My day started, with me going to sleep at 2 in the morning, waking up at 3 in the afternoon. For all those who are too lazy to work it out, thats 13 hours sleep. So. I woke up, staggered downstairs, and had some chocolate for breakfast...lunch...thingie.

I walk into the lounge, flick on the telly, and Countdown is on. Mum comes to watch it with me. We try to play the game along with the contestants, with varying success. (I did good =3)

So, towards the end of the program, the two contestants were locked in a dead heat.

They put up some letters. 

The contestants chew their pens and pretend to look busy.

The timer is up.

Host: "So, what have you got for us?"

Contestant: "Erm... nothing..."

Other Contestant: "Nothing."

At this, I laughed, as I had seen a word that could be made from the letters up there, but I did not voice it, because it was completely absurd. 

The smug women sat at the side, with their dictionary, and computer that does all the work for them, state that there is one word. I held my breath.

Smug women: "The possible word is "Noobie," which is a term used in online games and chat rooms, to describe someone who is, new to the game, or not very good."

At this moment, my world fell apart. That was of course, my word, but I never thought in a million years, that it would be accepted.

ONLY DAYTIME TELEVISION COULD DESECRATE EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR IN A 30 SECOND ROUND OF COUNT DOWN. 

Countdown just shouldn't go there. If it isn't bad enough that its day time television, is that it actually used that word. I mean, what...?

What has been watched, cannot be unwatched, but seriously. Come on. Really?

Has your show really become that desperate that you are willing to accept words that were invented by a NERD?

Its like God accepting Garry Glitter into heaven, because he likes his music. (We all know God wants to be a member of the gang.)

I mean, I know its still a word, but really? I thought countdown was only supposed to use REAL words? I'm sure that "Noobie" is not in the oxford dictionary. I'm sure of it. 

A part of me died that day, as did a large part of the gaming community. 

A lot of questions can be asked of that day. Why did I sleep for 13 hours? Why did I have chocolate for breakfast...lunch...thingie? And WHY did I then proceed to watch Countdown?

But, the real question is, WHAT THE FUCK COUNTFDOWN? What has become of your show? I thought you had standards! I thought you were cool! But no. No. You went there, and you just shouldn't have.

This relationship is OVER.

Fuck you Countdown. You have successfully made something that wasn't even that cool to start with, EVEN FUCKING GAYER.

Old ladies around the country (and myself) were reacting pretty much EXACTLY like this...

Countdown. I am DISSAPOINT.

When left to my own devices...

BLEUGH. URGHHHHHHHHHHH BORED AND TIREDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

Ok. My day as follows.


Getting up:
The plan:
Get up at half 1, as per.

What actually happened:
Dad woke me up at 7. I was far from amused.

Gaming and such:
The plan:
Game until my eyeballs bled.

What actually happened:
Fuck all.

Food:
The Plan:
CHIPS.

What actually happened:
As per usual, I left it too late and the chippy was closed. SO. I gathered together every single piece of edible food that i could find, which consisted of frozen hash browns, sweetcorn, cheese, bacon, and eggs.
YES SPANISH OMELET! <3

After Food:
The Plan:
More gaming.

What actually happened:
I ended up writing a story about how I was raped by a tree. Please see bellow:

"Well, when I was going through my druid stage, I began talking to a fair few trees. It was all going great! All the nature, all that shit, Then it became clear... the trees had other ideas...They began to... tell me things... things they wanted to do... to me... This went on for about a week or so, when one of the trees, a silver birch, made his move. I slapped his hand away, but he just kept on groping... So I ran. Later that night, I heard a rustling outside my open window. I turned on the light, but it was just the wind blowing the branches of the silver birch outside my window. I turned the lights back off... And the tree came in through the window. 8 hours of relentless tree rape ensued."

I really hope you enjoyed that disturbing and fascinating tale. I will creatively answer any questions you may have about tree sex.
After more gaming:
The plan:
Take a break. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HA. HAHAHA.

MOAR GAMING.

What actually happened:
Found out Steph got a nose piercing, and that KYLE IS A TWILIGHT FAG. What has been watched, cannot be unwatched Kyle.


Finally:
The Plan:
Blog

What actually happened:
I blogged. huh. weird.



Today did not go as planed, but left to my own devices, I did manage to keep myself alive, and write a very interesting tale of tree rape. Needless to say, I need to get out, get a life, and laid.

-And everyone shares a laugh.-

Ok Kyle, you can shut up now.

Ok. I was honestly in the middle of writing something worthwhile, when I got distracted by this conversation.

I apologise in advance if you don't find this funny, I found it HILARIOUS.

(>.")> Zach <(".<) says:
10

Krispy ♠ says:
10?

(>.")> Zach <(".<) says:
10.

Krispy ♠ says:
10?!

(>.")> Zach <(".<) says:
10
9

Krispy ♠ says:
WHATS HAPPENING

(>.")> Zach <(".<) says:
i dunno
i was saying numbers
cos i wanted to see what you would do with em

Krispy ♠ says:
they un neverved me

(>.")> Zach <(".<) says:
hmm
different people react different
differently
its kinda interesting
try it
with people
see what they do

Krispy ♠ says:
OKAY
Wait no
Im too tired

(>.")> Zach <(".<) says: <--- Notices that Kris has changed his dp to a picture of Zoe
i thought you might be
ooh
you are still zoe
AH
i remember

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ has been added to the conversation.

(>.")> Zoe <(".<) says: <--- Note the name change
erm?
★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:

N'yees?

Krispy ♠ says:
Guys...
What is this
I don't even

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:

Krispy ♠ says:
seriously I accidentally the whole conversation

(>.")> Zoe <(".<) says:
i dont understand

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Whaaaaaaaa?
We are all Zoe
Kris
Change your do back

Krispy ♠ says:
Oh game on

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
seriously
whats going on?

Zoeee! ♠ says: <--- and again
Heeeey

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
im actually quite confused
kris fuck off
i hate you
why are you doing this?
its not even funny

Zoeee! ♠ says:
what
I'm Zoe

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
I HATE YOU

Zoeee! ♠ says:
What are you talkign about

Ϟ ڶ.Ŧ. Ϟ <3 343<3 has been added to the conversation.

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
seriously
wtf

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Omg
Zach
Please
Not this again

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says: <--at this point, I have copied her name, and font

Zach please

Zoeee! ♠ says:
Whats even happening

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
stop it

JOANNA (: has been added to the conversation.

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
OMG

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
OMG

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
MIND FUCK

Zoeee! ♠ says:
THIS IS CONFUSING

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
MIND FUCK

JOANNA (: says:
?

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
Joanna

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
AHHHHHHH

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
he stole my name

JOANNA (: says:
yes?

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
WTF

JOANNA (: says:
who did?

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
Kris

JOANNA (: says:
Confused

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Joanna

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
Joanna

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
There is apparently 3 Zoe's in here

Zoeee! ♠ says:
WAIT
LETS GET A THIRD


Ash has been added to the conversation.

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
WHATS GOING ON

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
MIND FUCK
AHH
ZACH

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
ZACH STOP IT PLEASE

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
THE LAST TIME YOU DID THIS

Ash says:
WHAT IS GOING ON.

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
I SWEAR

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
ZACH SERIOUSLY
ITS NOT FUNNY

JOANNA (: says:
oh its zach
lol

Ash says:
You're using the wrong font Zoe

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
ZAAAAAAAACH

JOANNA (: says:
HEY ZACH

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
ZAAAAAAAAAAAACH

Ash says:
I mean Zach

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
STOP IT


krispyalmighty@hotmail.co.uk was added to the conversation. Handwriting is supported only with people on your contact list.


Krispy. Got my pogo stick! says:
HEYAA

Ash says:
Mind fucked.

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
OMg
Ash
They are pretending to be meee

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Lol

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
HONESTLY

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
JUSTIN
D:

Ash says:
Wait fuck, who said that.

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
ZACH
STOP IT

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
NOW THERE ARE 4

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
DON'T JOIN THIS BAND WAGON

Krispy. Got my pogo stick! says:
Suck mah pixie dick

Zoeee! ♠ says:
Yah chubby coon

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
D:

Beefamus <3 Loves <3 Alex-jade Jones R.I.P Dean Four Years Dean, Still Missing You! says:
what the fuc is gwarning?

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
IM GAY

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
LALALALALA

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
NOOOOOOOOO

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
LOOK HOW GAY I AM
WITH MY GAYNES

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
IM SO GAY ITS UNREAL

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
I ENJOY SEX WITH SHEEP.


elliot.choules@hotmail.com has been added to the conversation.

emmiloo360@hotmail.co.uk has been added to the conversation.

sophie_jones13@hotmail.co.uk has been added to the conversation.

tanya__1993@hotmail.co.uk has been added to the conversation.

lord_of_the_lanks@hotmail.com has been added to the conversation.

Frankiiieeeeee has been added to the conversation.

totally_sexy_me@hotmail.co.uk has been added to the conversation.

jordanrippon@hotmail.com has been added to the conversation.

Beefamus <3 Loves <3 Alex-jade Jones R.I.P Dean Four Years Dean, Still Missing You! has left the conversation.

Zoeee! ♠ says:
Fuck the what

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
I ENJOY SEX WITH ANIMNALS.

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Poo

Krispy. Got my pogo stick! says:
THE WHAT FUCK

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
OH GOD

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
WHAT THE FUCK
IS GOING ON

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
OH GOD THERE'S MORE

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
IM SO GAY
HELP ME

Frankiiieeeeee says:
huhhhH?

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
BALLOONS

Zoeee! ♠ says:
FUCK WHAT THE

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
OMFG

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
I enjoy the odd anal sex

Frankiiieeeeee says:
who the fuck r u

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
IM A STRAIGHT GIRL STUCK IN A GAY MANS BODY

Needs a decent day out tomorrow, anyone?? Sophia. says:
Ashhhhhhhh >.>

totally_sexy_me@hotmail.co.uk has left the conversation.

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP

IM GAY

Krispy. Got my pogo stick! says:
SHIT OUT MY DICK

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
OMG

Jonathan. says:
shut up

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Jew

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
I can;t even tell who is me any more


JOANNA (: has left the conversation.

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
i hate puppies

TaniaTIGER! Let's go out and find some troubleee! says:
herp derp.

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Nah I can't either tbh.


Jonathan. has left the conversation.

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
i have hairy boobs

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Me too

Frankiiieeeeee has left the conversation.

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
I do not!


chris.upton@hotmail.co.uk has been added to the conversation.


★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Yes I do!

TaniaTIGER! Let's go out and find some troubleee! says:
can i touch them?

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Frankie has hair boobs.
Wut.

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
ZOE HAS HAIR BOOBS

Zoeee! ♠ says:
My vagina itches

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
She sure does

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
Tania, you could never get this, im way out of your league

Zoeee! ♠ says:
I think ill stick some fingers up there

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Sophia Jones? Or a different one?

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
SOPHIA
AHHHHHHH
THE LESBIAN

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
I HAVE HAIR BOOBS.

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Kris!
My vagina itches?

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
I HAVE HAIR BOOBS INDEED
ZACH STOP IT

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Who wants head?

Krispy. Got my pogo stick! says:
HA

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
EVERYONE

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:

Krispy. Got my pogo stick! says:
YOU ALL SAW
SHE ADMITTED IT

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Omg

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
WHO IS THE REAL ZOE?

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
ME

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
oh wait

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
FFS

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
ME

Krispy. Got my pogo stick! says:
I think its me

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
I'm right here.

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
IM THE REAL ZOEEEEEEE

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Fcpikjhsovlpjhnabgds

Zoeee! ♠ says:
It might be me I dont know

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
I'M THE REAL ZOEEEE

»» CHRISSY TING «« says:
I'm very confused

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Im the real zoe !

Zoeee! ♠ says:
No no no

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
JOANNA! I am! ERIN SHOUTED AT HER CAT. WE THOUGHT SHE WAS SHOUTING AT HER DAD! IT'S ME. ME ME ME.

Krispy. Got my pogo stick! says:
I am you idiots
I hate you all


★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Is she even here?

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
ZOE
I AM
WAIT

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says:
Holy shit.

Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: says:
WHAT


Needs a decent day out tomorrow, anyone?? Sophia. has left the conversation.

★ Zoe <3 656 <3 R.I.P Paul Gray ★ says: <--- Real Zoe.
omg
that was ridiculous


I had to cut this down, lots. It was allot longer, but it was too epic to go un-posted.
I would also like to thank you, for taking the time to read to the end.
The last few posts have been retarded, and I’ll try not to let this become the norm.
Promise.

The best things in life, are thought up on the spot.

Today, a game of EPIC PROPORTIONS was born.
All you need is a tennis ball, a fairly large table, and some quick thinking creative friends, who are up for a good laugh.

Ok. Set the scene.

It’s me, Kris, Smurf, and Heather sat round a table, with Greg sat just off to my left. Kris was sat across from me, Heather to my right, and Smurf at a diagonal to me.

The study area was deserted apart from us.

We had a tennis ball, and Kris rolled it across the table at me. I bounced it back, and in this fashion, we started a rally. Smurf then joined Kris at his side, and Heather at mine, and we had a doubles game. I gave Greg the role as our umpire, and told him he could make up the rules as saw fit.
After about 5 minutes of our umpire's random scoring, and my commentating, someone, (it may have been me, I can’t honestly remember) came up with the idea, that whenever you forced an error from someone else, you could introduce a rule of your own to the game, and everyone would have to abide by that rule. So, if someone said, for example, that every time you hit the ball to another player, you have to make a fart sound, you would get a table full of people palming a tennis ball to each other, making far noises at each other across a table.
So, you can either add a new rule to the table, OR get rid of someone else’s rule, so if you didn’t like making fart noises at the person sat across from you, then you could cut that rule out for the time being.

As the game progressed, we ended up standing on back to front chairs, with our elbows and heads glued to the table, making fart noises every time we hit the ball, and also saying a name that we thought you would name a black person after you made the fart noise. Hehe... farmer... ANYWAY.

It’s the perfect college game. No teacher would dare challenge you, because you look so terrifyingly retarded, and it’s SO MUCH FUN. However, the game does require a lot of creativity and quick thinking, but still, SO much fun to play.
I would highly recommend it to anyone.

This game has been christened, “The Rules Game”

This is EXACTLY how I imagined college would be.

How Heroes should have ended.

Ok, I’m not really sure if this is blog worthy, but it did make me laugh, and it is fairly typical of me. Regardless, it should still make you chuckle.

WARNING: SEVERE TOILET HUMOR. DON’T JUDGE ME OR ILL CRY.


This is how, I would have ended heroes.

Much love for Joe, Phil, and Kyle, for not killing themselves when they heard my plotline.

Ok. My plotline is just as complex and convoluted as you would expect from heroes.
I won’t tell you how this came up in conversation, because it’s retarded.

Basically, at some point in season 2, I would have introduced a character, that would poop whatever he wanted. That was his special power. Now, this is where things get a little... typical.

Basically, he hangs around near airports a lot, so, whenever he is in trouble, he just poops out some plane tickets, and goes off on his merry way. During the final fight, against Sylar, because for some reason he is evil again... I think it was because he really wanted the pooping guy's power... I’d kill for that power...
Ok...final fight... so everyone is doing their fake laser beams and shit, and Sylar is all like "RAWR I’m gunna poop so much doom once I’m through molesting this young 15 year old cheerleader" so the guy who poops stuff is like, "Fuck this, I’m gunna poop my way out of trouble." so he poops himself some plane tickets. But, now here's the plot twist, he isn’t anywhere near an airport!
So, after Sylar has been temporally defeated, everyone turns to him, and is like, "Dude, you have to poop out a plane, or we are all gunna get the crap kicked out of us by invincible doom pooping Sylar!!!"
So, that’s the end of the first of the 2 part episodes. The second episode, is basically 20 minutes of all the decent heroes in heroes, trying to convince the lamest one to "poop out a plane," and he is coming up with all sorts of stupid demands. One of them is cake, so, Peter Patrelli teleports himself to a location where there is cake, and brings pooping guy back some. He enjoys the cake, and prepares for the biggest poop of his heroes career. Unfortunately, the cake gives him really bad constipation, so he can’t poop out the plain. At this point, they all lose their tempers with him, and force feed him hippo laxatives. Needless to say, he can’t keep the plane in.
So, they all board the plane, and it’s got everything. In-flight movies, fold up tables, cup holders!!! Everything. They are all ready to take off, (he pooped out a pilot too.) when there is a sudden cry from Hiro Nakamura, as he exclaims they can’t take off. Everyone looks at him, and asked what the hell could possibly be wrong?
"Dere ish now Worcestershire sauce fwavouwed pwetzewls!"
All the remaining characters look at each other, and do a deep intake of breath. Of course, takeoff would be impossible without the most basic of all plane necessities.
Then, Sylar, who has recovered in this time, comes in, grabs poop guy, who is still in the plane toilet, rips his head off, and eats his brain. Sylar now has pooping guys power!!! *Dun dun DUNNN*
Sylar then steps out onto the plain, and looks at everyone.
"I will take all of your powers one by one... there is no pooping guy to save you now..."
Unfortunately for Sylar, he could not control his new power, and unknown to him, he had not only taken pooping guy's power, but also his chronic diarrhea!!!
As he was thinking at that moment, about taking everyone’s powers, he immediately poops countless copies of all the heroes. Claire, thankfully, is naked, and has like HUGE BOOBS, cos Sylar was also a bit of a perv.
All the copies of all the heroes, then kick the living shit out of Sylar, and they all then fly off to Guantanamo bay, to have Sylar arrested. (This is before Barrack Obama shut it down)

Looking back, I think posting this will be a mistake. But then again... none of my creations shall go to waste... Even if they are clinically retarded.

Yes. I had a really immature moment.

Tired blogging at its best.

Too tired to write anything in depth, so instead, here is a video of how Harry Potter should have gone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mQaIMYIvYU

Just double click on the link, and enjoy...

I must say, thanks Kris, for showing me this. I haven't laughed SO HARD in such a long time.


I did have a brilliant day with Tash today though =)
Had the first proper gaming day since the beginning of college. Just what i needed.
Thanks Tash =)

Thugs, Thieves, Shady millionaires, and Murderers.

As some of you may know, it was the Behind Bars conference today. I had no idea what to expect.

As I sat in the hall, with Ryan one side of me, and Kris on the other, we began to discuss the sorts of people who we would be meeting during the day, and the various natures of their crimes.

As I had walked into college that morning, I was greeted by the sight of two of the largest men I had ever laid eyes on. The sort of large, where you can’t quite tell if its muscle or fat, and you aren’t planning on finding out any time soon. One was about my height, and one about a head shorter. Both were about two of me wide.

We had paid £31 to attend for the day, which seemed at the time, a little steep, but looking back, I would have happily paid triple that amount.
Ryan said that the reason for the cost being so high was that Garry Glitter was going to make an appearance, as a sort of surprise guest, and the two hench strangers were his body guards. Ryan then proceeded to sing us all a rendition of some of Garry's classics, "Do You Wanna Touch Me," and "Leader Of The Gang."
-Don't quit your day job Ryan.-

Finally, the first "Crim" as we had decided to call them, had taken the floor. He was about 6ft 1, wearing a dark suit, with a blue striped shirt. Perfectly ordinary looking.

To get things rolling, he asked us to discuss in groups, what we would do to criminals, and how we would punish them, ect. Another man, this time with greyish hair, and a cream coloured suit and trousers, stuck his head over my shoulder, and asked us (Me, Kris, and Ryan,) about our thoughts. He seemed to like them, and said to me that to "lighten the mood," he would get me to stand up, in front of the audience of about ninety people, not including the rows of staff that lined the far wall, and the two massive skinheads, who must have counted for about 5 people each by themselves.
At this point, I was ready to physically put a bullet through my head.
I had just be told, that I would have to stand up, in front of half the staff, a room full of about ninety strangers, and a bunch of people who had spent some serious time in prison, and tell them all about our ideas of how to deal with criminals. I was shitting myself.

So, I dragged myself up to the front, turned to survey the audience, trying my hardest not to stare at the titans sat at the back of the room, and delivered my ideas.

-I would like to add at this point, that the views I expressed while stood in front of the assembled audience, are not to be taken in any way seriously. As the man in the cream suit had said, it was to "lighten the mood," and apparently to test my metal. The man in the cream suit knew a few things, that I, at the time, did not.-

The man in the dark suit said that, "it had been suggested to me that you should come up and share your ideas..."At this point, I looked across at the man in the cream suit and said, "Yeah... thanks for that..." whilst giving him a feeble thumbs up.

Ordinary looking host: "So... Zach is it? How would you deal with criminals?"

-Deep breath-

Me: "Firstly, I would like to say that this idea is largely thanks to Kris, Ryan, and of course myself. Basically, our methods would mainly deal with white collar crimes. Depending on the nature of the crime, say if someone had stolen something, we would take their hand, and take off most of the layers of skin with a belt sander. That way, they wouldn’t be able to handle anything for a fair amount of time. If they continued to re-offend, then you would then take a finger, and another finger, then all the fingers, then half of their hand, then their whole hand up to the wrist, THEN their arm up to the elbow, THEN their arm up to their shoulder. This way, they wouldn’t be able to commit the crime anymore!"

-It gets worse.-

Ordinary looking host: "So, what would be your method be to re habilitate your criminals?"

Me: "Well, I would make them sit in a corner and think about what they had done."

Ordinary looking host: "Right... ok..."

Me: "And then if they tried to escape prison, we could take their legs! Then we would end up with just a torso with a head!!!"

At this point, the audience was in a mix of people pissing themselves with laughter, and people checking that their limbs were still safely attached to their bodies. As I had feared, the massive one of the massive skinheads at the back piped up with, "You got a lot of balls standing up there and saying those things with us lot sitting here..."
I simply met his stare, and returned it, with a wry smile and a casual salute in his general direction.
The man in the dark suit, also voiced my "bravery," at speaking my mind with those two sat directly within my line of sight.
I simply replied, "Oh, actually I saw those guys as I came into college this morning... I nearly PISSED myself! They are BLOODY MASSIVE aren't they?!"
Thank god everyone laughed.
I was just lucky for me, that the blokes sat at the back weren’t the kind to take offence at a bit of good humour. Needless to say, I’ll still be double locking all my doors tonight.

Later on, I found out which figure committed what crime.

The slightly smaller skinhead, as it turns out, was put into prison under false charges. He served 14 months, despite being innocent. He was later acquitted (set free.) His only criminal offences, was getting into a fight with someone on a rugby pitch, and beating up his ex wife’s boyfriend, after he told his daughter to "shut the fuck up"
The slightly taller skinhead had been part of an ongoing battle with the police ever since the age of 7. As far as he was concerned, it was the police's job to try to catch him, and his job to try to escape.
The man in the cream suit, who had seen me for what I was straight away, and had wanted to see if I really had the bottle to share my ideas with the rest of the class, used to be a multi millionaire. His company turnover was about 50 million a year. As it turns out, he made his millions through... ostrich farming... *shrug.* You don’t ask questions of someone that successful. He claimed that he was innocent of the charges put against him, but I think he was clever enough to make the story sound however he wanted.
So... Judging by the title, there is one person I have left out. The murderer.
There is only one person left, who I have not commented on. The man in the dark suit.
Perhaps the most ordinary of the lot, had committed the most grievous crime of all. Murder.

Looking back, during my short time in front of everyone, I was swindled into talking by a top conman, intimidated by a harmless thug, clashed swords with a lifelong rogue, and stood side by side with a murderer, whilst I jokingly told him about how we should be cutting peoples limbs off and leaving them as torso's.

Even knowing that, I still probably would have gone up there... but my god. No wonder the man in the cream suit was so keen to get me up there. He knew exactly what he was doing, but thankfully so did I. I’ve either got some serious nerve, or I live a charmed life.

Sadly, there was no Gary Glitter.

Ugh... This is gunna be a long one...

Ok. I’m not really in the mood for this, but I have a fair amount to write about, so here goes.

I didn't post yesterday, due to the fact I was bloody shattered, so I’ll try my best to make up for it now. Enjoy =)

My psychology experiment yesterday. Oh my GOD I haven’t had so much fun in an age. The aim of the experiment was to test the tolerance of members of staff, when a student walked into the staff room un-invited, and compare the differences between boys and girls.
Naturally, I had to go first. No real surprises there. I could not be more glad that I did.

I thought that the hardest part would be gaining entrance to the staff room. I assumed, incorrectly, that the door to the staff room would be open, so I could simply slip in without making a lot of noise. As soon as the door slammed behind me, ALL the eyes in the room turned to stare at me.
I made a bee line for the sink, where some dirty coffee mugs lay. Unchallenged by any member of staff, I picked one up, and washed it out, not making eye contact with anyone.
At this point, I realised that I had to make some form of contact with someone. I turned to the man stood next to me, who was probably a PE teacher, or some form of maintenance staff, and asked "S'cuse me, where's the coffee?"
At this point, I assumed I would be found out, and asked to leave immediately. Instead, the man says, "Erm... what kind of coffee do you want?"
Slightly taken aback, I replied, "Um, some decaf would be nice... if you have any."
He then hands me a pot of decaf coffee, and I proceed to make myself a cup of very strong coffee. I was going to need it.
Coffee in hand, I proceeded to sit myself about a foot and a half away from a group of PE staff, all talking to each other about something or rather. I put my mug down, crossed my legs, picked up a magazine from the table, and began to read.
I could see them giving me furtive looks from the periphery of my vision, but I could tell that they didn’t have the balls to confront me.
At this point I was thinking, "how far can I actually take this...?"
I began to scan the room, to test this new thought that had come into my head. The initial fear was over. I was never going to get this chance again, so I was going to make the most of it.
My eyes fell on a table, where about 10 members of staff were seated around a grand looking cake.

There was 1 spare seat at the table.

I swear to you, you couldn’t make this next part up. How I kept a straight face, I will never know. It was just one of those moments where everything went PERFECTLY.

I made a beeline for the spare seat.
I put down my coffee mug.
I go to take my newly acquired seat.

The woman sat to my left, I recognised, as the one of the older members of the English department, who is always making us feel so welcome in our own college. She looked me, dead in the face... paused for a fraction of a second... then slides her chair to the side, as to let me sit properly at the table.

I nearly lost it at this point. I could have pissed myself with laughter and amazement. This woman knew me!! She had physically laid eyes on me before, playing cards, and generally making myself unwelcome, yet, she still allowed me to be seated at the table, where some of my own subject teachers were discussing classes, and other teacher like things. The English teacher, who had moved over to let me be seated properly, then turns to me, and says politely, "Would you like some cake?"
If I thought id nearly lost it before... Jesus Christ. I think the only reason I was able to keep it together, was due to the numb shock that had suddenly washed over me. I had been accepted by, a teacher, whom, on numerous occasions, had told be to "Be quiet," or "Go away."
Still slightly bewildered, I asked "Oh... what kind of cake is it?"
"Well," She replied, "its fruit cake..."
"Oh, no thanks" I said, "I’m not too keen on fruit cake."

Having not been challenged by anyone when acquiring my seat at the table, I decided to try a bit of socialising myself.
Across from me, who I had noticed earlier, sat my law teacher, Lisa. She was young, and fairly strict, but still a good laugh as far as teachers go, and I was about to put one of my favourite teachers completely on the spot. It was completely undeserved on her part, but she was in the line of fire, and I had sat down with all guns blazing.

I stared at her. Directly in the face. There was no way she couldn't notice me.

It was at this point, I wish I had brought a video camera of some sort in with me.
Lisa performed the mother of all double takes, and her look was one of total confusion.

Lisa: "Wha-.... What are you doing here Zach?!"
Me: "Oh... Y'know... Just chillin."
Lisa: "Is... Isn’t there somewhere else you are supposed to be?!"

-At this point, she had lost the plot slightly, as had most of the teachers sat around the table, all with looks of utter confusion plastered across their faces.-

Me: "No... Nope. I don’t think so... Why..? Is there a problem with be being here Lisa?"

-The use of her first name, and the smirk on my face, coupled with the unfaltering gaze I fixed her with, made her immediately turn into a 14 year old girl again, as she began spluttering, and desperately looking around her for some support from her colleagues. One such man, (as I do not know his name, I shall provide a description) who was fairly short, round, with white hair, and a bushy beard to match, came to her aid.-

White-hair-with-beard-to-match: "So... you're a student... working with the college?"
Me: "No... No not really."
White-hair-with-beard-to-match: "So... you're just a student."
Me: "Yup. Pretty much."
White-hair-with-beard-to-match: "So what are you doing here?"
Me: "Oh... Just chillin really. Enjoying some coffee... y'know?"
White-hair-with-beard-to-match: "Well could you take yourself off somewhere else please?"

-The pre recorded response by all the teachers.-

Me: "Oh... Why? Is there a problem?
White-hair-with-beard-to-match: "Well, this is the staff room. For staff."
Me: "Oh... ok then!"

-It was time for me to make my exit.-

Jauntily, I picked up my mug, stood up, under armed my coffee into the sink, which was about a foot away, dropped the mug into the sink, and, with head held high, and chest puffed out, I began to walk out of the staff room.

Me: "Bye everyone, have a nice day! See you in law Lisa!"

Classic.

I honestly thought that I would be asked to leave the second I entered, but to my disbelief, the teachers seemed more scared of me than I was of them!

I managed 3 minutes and 75 seconds exactly, which doesn’t sound like a long time, but believe me. It felt like I was in there for a good half an hour.

I’ll never forget that experience as long as I live... and neither will Lisa =)

I would like to add, that nothing in this story was exaggerated in any way. It was told exactly how it happened. Do not try this at home, as it would probably be no where near as interesting as if you did it at college.

St Georges Cross will BURN in the streets.

Needless to say, England were shocking.
Mum said that she felt sorry for some of the players. I don’t share her sympathy. They get to go home to their big mansions and their big pay cheques and their plastic wives, while I’m left with a bitter taste in my mouth, at another disappointing England saga.
It’s all just a bit shit really.

College tomorow. *sob*
I’m sure that'll be fun. I’m miles behind on everything. I really don’t want to give my parents more reasons to be worried about my current education =\

Went to watch the match with my grandparents though, which was HILAROUS seeing as they are both... a bit mental, and both DISPISE the Germans. Listening to them shout and scream every time the Germans so much as came onto the screen, kinda made it easier to watch... and a whole lot funnier =)

As voiced by many, "Meh, at least we won the war," and I can’t help but feel a little satisfaction about the US going out as well. At least they didn’t get further than us...

At least Capello was a good laugh to watch ^.^
I doubt he will be in the next world cup... Bring on Harry Redknapp?
There is no way he could bankrupt the England team... but if anyone could... he would find a way.

Bare foot wanderings for chineese food.

Today was relatively slow.
I awoke at 1, stayed in bed till 2, then went downstairs and watched star trek with mother =)
Dr Who was, as put by Oli, "Underwhelming."

I ended up leaving the house at 10 at night, to go wandering through Marchwood in search of Chinese food with Tom and Tom (Lewis, and Everal.)
As it was a nice evening, I decided to walk barefoot along the deserted road, kicking a ball back and forth with Tom (Everal,) whilst munching on prawn crackers and battered sausages <3
A typical lazy day, coupled with a typical lazy summers night =)

I also fell in love with this hoodie...




but I couldn't find a site which would ship it to the UK... *sob*

Zombie Apocalypse? Bring it on.

Today was hot. Way too hot. Instead of playing football, I ended up sitting with Shelly, Curtis, and Kris discussing in great detail, how the four of us would deal with the zombie apocalypse. I won’t bore you with all the details... just most of them =P


We would start at college, as that would be one of the main military installations in Southampton (which is where the outbreak started.) Once we formed our group, we would have 15 minutes before the college was completely overrun by flesh hungry zombies. In this time, we would have to sneak passed the all the soldiers and the wounded, into their armoury, which was located in the sports hall, and take all the guns and supplies we would need. We would then have to make our way out of the temporary safe haven of college, and onto the streets.
Our next stop would have to be the train station. Needless to say, the roads would be gridlocked, so driving to the station would be out of the question, (thus eliminating the need for Steph =])
Once at the station, we would have to somehow get a car of some sort onto the tracks, as all the trains in and out of Southampton would have been halted, to help contain the outbreak. Once on the tracks, we would proceed to Portsmouth (eww.) commandeer some sort of boat (probably a ferry, or a speed boat) and proceed to the Isle of Wight, (being the least populated and most isolated area.) We could then kill all zombies, and spare whichever of the survivors didn’t piss us off. From there, we would just wait it out, until the whole thing blew over.

For some reason, in our combined logic, zombies can’t swim. We had better hope they can't... Or our plan is pretty much fucked.

Well, here goes...

Well. I've been meaning to start a blog for... ages. In all honesty, I don’t expect it to be successful, or popular, or even read. It’s more something to keep me just that little bit saner.

I’ll try to keep this as entertaining as possible, and as un-emo as possible. No promises =P
You can probably expect to find a fair few links, to things that amuse me, annoy me, or just make me think.

There is so much that I don’t tell people, because I just never get round to it... Who knows...? Maybe you will be treated to something profound.